If we don’t understand how neurological differences affect our Christian witness, most likely we’ll disappoint God in this area. This applies to both Aspies and NTs. If our aim is to be a good witness, our focus will be on something we’re doing rather than on who we are in Christ. Distorted values make us dysfunctional Christians. Our sense of being of value to God doesn’t depend on what we do, but rather on who we are in Christ. Looking at who we are in Christ keeps us humble and equips us to esteem others better than ourselves. Without this lowliness of mind, attempts at being a good witness will be counter-productive.
A faulty comprehension of Aspergers destroys the possibility for a NT Christian to draw an unsaved Aspie to the Lord. A faulty comprehension of NTs by Aspies has this same destructive effect. NTs create and perpetuate distorted perceptions of Aspergers. Thanks to this bias against Aspies, myths about Aspergers continue to spread. The myth Aspies are being fed about NTs is the idea that NTs are socially superior beings. The correct view is each culture is socially different. One is not superior over the other, even though too many NTs think so.
NTs judge Aspies by what they can see. They’re incapable of knowing why they see what they do about Aspies, so they make assumptions to fit their mindset. If their mindset about Aspergers is negative, then their opinions about Aspies will also be negative. If their mindset about Aspergers is neutral, then they’re ready to apply 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 to readjust their approach for the sake of the gospel so they may win those who are different. Christian Aspies need to be the same way with unsaved NTs.
We gather from Paul’s words in 1Cor 9:19-23 that Jews and Gentiles are two different cultures. So are NTs and Aspies. God does not view one as superior over the other. Imagine if Jews had myths about Gentiles like NTs do about Aspies. They’d be impotent (not important!) witnesses. NTs are incapable of thinking like Aspies and vice versa. A dog can’t think like a cat and vice versa, but they can learn to live with each other in the same environment. They can even love each other and enjoy one another. Churches can have this same harmony with a neurologically mixed congregation, but not if they can’t see the ways in which they may be insulting.
Can you see what makes this statement (said by a NT Christian about Aspies) arrogant?:
“If someone comes to me with poor social skills and I reject them, I’ve sinned – they didn’t. So, if the Lord needs to bring people into my life who are somewhat incompetent, who in terms of communication wise are not the greatest, in order to teach me how to be more accepting of people, then that could potentially also be another benefit.”
Did you spot the myth he embraces about Aspergers? The words that reveal his arrogance and ignorance are ‘poor’ and ‘incompetent’. They’re judgmental, subjective (relative), and opinionated (biased). The accurate way to describe Aspergers is to say Aspies are as equally competent to communicate as NTs. Just because social skills are different does not make them poor.
Every culture forms their own unique social skills. Because a deaf person uses sign language to communicate, does this mean he has ‘poor’ social skills and is ‘incompetent’ to communicate? To embrace such a myth and arrogant attitude does not fit with Philippians 2:3 […let each esteem other better than themselves]. It does the opposite. It has the hearing person esteeming himself as being being better than the deaf person. Because the hearing culture is the majority, it mistakenly assumes the deaf culture supports cochlear implants. Hearing people fail to see how insulting this is. They don’t bother to enter the deaf world to see things from a deaf person’s perspective. They’d rather project themselves when they esteem themselves more highly than deaf people. Arrogance makes the hearing mind-blind to knowing deaf people think differently than the hearing group.
Arrogance seeks to unwittingly morph invalid assumptions into facts. Throughout history, this is what humans do. It’s up to the ‘suppressed’ race to not allow this. The non-suppressed too often are not conscious of being rude. This lack of awareness on their part can lead them to mistakenly accuse the suppressed group as being rude. Instead of attacking the miscommunication occurring equally by both parties, who someone is gets attacked. Aspergers is who someone is. Not some ‘disorder’ he has. The internet is saturated with toxic bias against Aspies to epidemic proportions!
Since it’s human nature to return insult for insult, rudeness attracts rudeness in return. Everyone easily detects arrogance coming from others towards them. Only by the grace of God do we detect it in ourselves and realize how we’re alienating the other person. Aspies are constantly given the message they’re socially incompetent. Aspies want to know how and why NTs think this about them, much more than NTs care to know how and why many Aspies think NTs are socially incompetent. This would be the other way around if Aspies were the majority and NTs were the minority. The communication skills NTs possess are ‘incompetent’ in an Aspie culture. If this wasn’t true, Aspies wouldn’t be puzzled over why NTs act as weird as they do.
Ignorance permits barbaric treatment. An accurate education promotes preservation. Animal sanctuaries are not created by ignorant judgmental people. Ignorance comes from ignoring. Ignore sincerely wanting to know how and why neurologically different people (i.e., Aspies) think as they do and the result is eugenics (extinction) rather than preservation (valuing life). Misjudging others is a form of protecting ignorance and perpetuating it.
Humble people are willing to do what’s uncomfortable and unnatural. They think about how to converse. When conversing is not natural and instead is strange (different), some people become so uncomfortable they cannot continue. Some muddle through. Some excel. Those who argue do so because they want to converse, but don’t want to listen, learn, and work to understand. They would if they realized it is more important for the unsaved person to feel appreciated and respected than it is for saved people to do so. As Christians, we already know we are nothing apart from Christ. Those who haven’t learned this yet, are certainly not going to be drawn to the gospel by Christians who also haven’t learned this. Instead, arguing and/or alienation is the result.
The TLB paraphrases Paul’s approach like this:
“When I am with the Jews I seem as one of them so that they will listen to the Gospel and I can win them to Christ. When I am with Gentiles who follow Jewish customs and ceremonies I don’t argue, even though I don’t agree, because I want to help them. When with the heathen I agree with them as much as I can, except of course that I must always do what is right as a Christian. And so, by agreeing, I can win their confidence and help them too. When I am with those whose consciences bother them easily, I don’t act as though I know it all and don’t say they are foolish; the result is that they are willing to let me help them. Yes, whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so that he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him.”
The MSG paraphrases Paul’s approach this way:
“I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view.”
The way to paraphrase this approach Paul uses in the context of neurologically different cultures is (assuming he’s NT):
“When I am with Aspies, I seem as one of them. I don’t argue even though I don’t understand their culture, because I want to help them. I agree with Aspies as much as I can, as long as I do what is right as a Christian. I don’t act as though I know more than they do or as if I’m wiser or smarter than them. I try to find common ground with them. I enter their world to learn how I may see things from their point of view.”
If Paul was an Aspie, the above would be applied in reverse.
In a reply I made on February 24, 2016 to a comment, I said focusing on being a good witness actually has the opposite effect because the focus is on self and not Jesus. We need to approach others with the mindset of Philippians 2:3. Christians, being human as we are, can easily get effect and cause subtly twisted backwards. Jesus never asked His Heavenly Father to show Him how He could be a good witness. The reason He didn’t need to do this was because He was humble. Walking in the Spirit can’t be done unless we’re humble.
It may seem 1Cor 9:19-23 requires us to focus on how we can be a good witness, as if that will cause us to become one. 1Cor 9:19-23 is actually the effect of abiding by Philippians 2:3. Only when we bypass esteeming others better than ourselves, does applying 1Cor 9:19-23 backfire. It backfires because there is no empathy or compassion due to ignorance.
Aspies also judge NTs by what they can observe. Aspies know they don’t know why NTs do what they do. They don’t try to assume to know. This is one reason why there are no myths about NTs created by Aspies. Adult Aspies don’t study NT children to see why they’re odd, but there are some Aspies who do study NT adults to try to understand why NTs function as they do. Aspies appreciate honesty, but because they’re rarely going to get a straightforward answer to the bottom line reason for why NTs think or behave as they do, they’re forced to have to guess.
In God’s eyes, there are only two types of people. Either someone is saved or they’re not. Modern secular society divides people neurologically. Either someone is neurotypical or they’re not. Too many NTs view being neuro-A-typical as something the world needs deliverance from. Those who misjudge Aspies as being “socially incompetent” are hiding from their own arrogance and insecurities.
Imagine a church filled only with Aspies. Then along comes a NT to join their congregation. How drawn to Christ is this NT going to feel if the Aspies think this visitor is beneficial to them because it helps them to be more accepting of someone who is somewhat incompetent to communicate?
Communication is a two-way street. When it fails, it fails because neither side knows how to comprehend what the other is communicating. People like people like themselves. Even if miscommunication didn’t exist, motives are always invisible. Why someone does what he does is not for anyone to judge. Only God can fully comprehend both NTs and Aspies.
Just because a message is interpreted correctly is no reason to assume to know why someone different acts or thinks as they do. Fools make assumptions when they don’t know. A wise person doesn’t.
Basically, the ONLY trait that differs Aspies from NTs is the way thoughts are processed. Windows and Mac computers have different operating systems. Put garbage data in either system, and garbage is what comes out. Arrogant pride is garbage. A humble heart is precious regardless of what neurological operating system it functions through!
I have been in a relationship with someone who I suspect is an aspie. Is that a respectful way to term it? I'm still learning. I would have never been so bold to diagnose someone. I had never heard of aspergers before his mother told me a teacher or dr suspected he was AS as a young child. She chose not to go for a diagnoses and pulled him out of public school. It wasn't until after a few years she told me this. I'm having trouble weeding through the Internet for reputable sources. I often feel neglected and unloved and misunderstood in this relationship. I'm exploring the idea that maybe we have very different love languages. I want desperately to understand him. And know what may be just his way, his character and behaviour that isn't his character but a problem to work through. It's important to know the difference. I don't want to waste time trying to fix something that doesn't need fixing. Also, I don't want to say certain seemingly unloving behavior is an aspie trait if it's not.
Yes, the term “Aspie” is respectful. God bless you for wanting to learn and taking the time to weed through the internet for reputable sources. If you and your boyfriend are both not Christians, you’re going against God’s will in your intimate relationship with him. If this is true, then no advice will assist you.
Aspergers has NOTHING to do with whether an individual’s personal character is disturbed or not. Aspies are like snowflakes; there are no two alike. Would you say, “I don’t want to say certain seemingly unloving behavior is a neurotypical trait if it’s not?”
Unloving behavior is ALWAYS ONLY because of not worshipping God. Either self is on the throne or God. When Jesus is Lord over our heart, loving others is the outcome. We are to focus on our own wrong heart attitudes in need of repentance. It is not our responsibility to fix another person. That’s God’s job.
As Christians, we must never forget Luke 18:9-14, “Then he told this story to some who boasted of their virtue and scorned everyone else:
Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a proud, self-righteous Pharisee, and the other a cheating tax collector. The proud Pharisee ‘prayed’ this prayer: ‘Thank God, I am not a sinner like everyone else, especially like that tax collector over there! For I never cheat, I don’t commit adultery, I go without food twice a week, and I give to God a tenth of everything I earn.’
“But the corrupt tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed, but beat upon his chest in sorrow, exclaiming, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home forgiven! For the proud shall be humbled, but the humble shall be honored.”
Besides scouring through the resources on this ministry’s site, there is an excellent DVD set by Paul David Tripp called, “What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage.” He also has a book with the same title, but it may not have the same impact as watching and listening to what Tripp has to say. His message applies to all relationships.